Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Busy Busy Bee

Wow, I've been busy. New IV medication and I am wiped out! Don't really have the energy to blog but I wanted to give it a try. Oh boy, I'm losing focus. Made AMAZING tofu burgers on Monday. Didn't take pictures :( Of course, it's a twist on a recipe I found on Pinterest. Whoever founded that sight is a genius! I've found so much inspiration there. I told my mom I wanted a higher quality camera for Easter so I can take pics of all of my creations.

Realized I'd been talking about numbers a lot. The numbers on the scale and on my clothing tags. Why such focus? Damn eating disorder. It finally occured to me that I was killing myself with stress if the number on the scale didn't stay EXACTLY the same week to week. Such an unrealistic expectation. Weight is not static. So I haven't gotten on the scale in two weeks except at the doctor's office. According to their scales, I've gained 20 pounds. But my clothes still fit well and my weight stayed steady over the last week. Eye-opener ~ nobody is going to love me any more or any less if I gain or lose 20 pounds. And if I lose 20 pounds, "Frank" (my eating disorder. nice to have a name to cuss out on occasion. gives a face to the problem) will tell me that if I lost 20 more pounds then I would be happy, more beautiful, more loveable. That "perfect" number would never be attained because the number would keep getting lower and lower and I would never be "perfect." Jeez. I decided I'd rather be happy than killing myself emotionally with trying to get to the "perfect" weight or clothing size. I'm not totally surprised about the gain but it's ok. I'm still adjusting to this new diet.

New diet! Back to recipes! Found one for a cake that uses COOKED quinoa rather than any flour. OMG! I tried it but didn't adjust the amount of cocoa powder based on not using sugar or sugar substitutes. Now that was some dark chocolate cake. It had a serious bite to it. Not what I want in a cake. My mind is playing with this concept because the cake was really really moist and had a great texture. I'm thinking an almond cake with homemade almond butter swirls and maybe some chopped dates. Doesn't that sound delish? Next baking day I am going for this. Also on my to do list food wise is vegan zuccini bed. Again, the recipe calls for sugar so I've got some adjustments to make there. I'm sure that I can do it.

Absolutely tired of going to the damn doctor. Every day Monday through Friday I have to trek to Pinnellas Park. Hopefully I'll only have to do this for 8 more days and then I'll be able to do the infusions at home. Hope, hope, hope! Keep your fingers crossed!

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